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| This is for all you i-Pod whores out there who think you're all fancy with your expensive mall kiosks and recording attachments and video functions and fuzzy leopard print cozies! Normally I don't feel the need to justify my purchases, but I think this i-pod stuff is getting out of control. I am sick of their fancy commercials and user-friendly interface stamping out cheaper and markedly less-awesome MP3 player options...umm...wait...uh...I mean...cooler...fancier ones...jerk.... Towards that goal, I'm going to share a story about my I-River that will convince you all to abandon your simple third-dimensional I-Pod and turn to a true MP3 playing experience. About a year ago I bought my MP3 player...my sleek, sexy I-River. $600 worth of I-Pod love for $300; straight from South Korea. It came with a 20 gigs of space, wicked awesome voice recording and FM radio functions, photo-displaying pimpery, a vastly superior up and down sliding scroller that blows the crap out of your crazy elitist thumb wheels, and a protective case made of what I judge to be alien skin...meaning that it's construction, in all probability, saved us from intergalactic invasion. And, what's more, I don't need Bono to write his name on my little slice of heaven to know that I made a good consumer choice. This was proven to me yet again last night as I lay my fuzzy face down to sleep. I turned off my lights, closed my eyes, and faded away into dreamland. But then, inexplicably, I awoke several hours later. I noticed a small light in my room. "Egad! Is someone calling me!? Is that my phone ringing!? Is it the president!? I better answer!" No. In fact it wasn't. It was my I-River…it had turned itself on. How is this possible, you ask? It isn't. It was off. Dark. Sleeping. Waiting to jazz up my morning walk to work with the sweet sounds of...whatever it picked. Instead, it's 4am and Mr. I-River was wide awake, ready to play me some Tom Petty. My answer... I believe that my little i-river has finally moved past simply being the greatest MP3 player on Earth…it has, in fact, developed it's own sense of self, reached beyond this universe into the spheres of the multiverse, and become a vessel for transdimensional intelligence. That's right. It has become a shaman and an ultra-dimensional force turned it on and wake me up to let me know. Oh…what…you don't believe me!? Fine. Come up with something better. I dare you to doubt the power of The I-River. Try it. Go ahead. Tell me it was a power surge. Tell me I sleep-walked and turned it on. We'll see whose shamanic MP3 player reaches into another dimension and pulls out a unicorn and chops its head off and THEN we'll see whose bed that head ends up in! That's right. I said it. Tomorrow you're waking up with a unicorn head in your face. You'll be all sleepy and snuggley and all "Oh, good morning, honey, boy do I love you. Let's snuggle!" and then you'll be all "Wait…I don't have a honey! What am I snuggling with!? OH NO! IT'S A UNICORN HEAD!!!!" Pshh!!! I-pods… | | |
|  | Currently Watching
The Crocodile Hunter - Collision Course
By Steve Irwin (II), Terri Irwin, Magda Szubanski, David Wenham, Lachy Hulme, Aden Young, Kenneth Ransom, Kate Beahan, Steve Bastoni, Steven Vidler, Alyson Standen, Alex Ruiz (II), David Franklin, Robert Coleby, Kevin Hides, Christopher Morris (IV), Todd Levi, Bindi Sue Irwin, Timothy Bottoms
see related |
Yesterday, hazy eyed and with an achy head full of the previous night’s Labor Day celebration, I went online to check my email. Before I could dive into my daily offerings of F Ree C!@lliS at www.seemetouchmyvagina dot com my eyes passed over a headline telling of the passing of one Mr. Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter. I clicked, read the news, blinked, read it again…my mind recoiled. I read the article over several times before it struck me that yes, in fact, it was true. After a life time of battling giant reptiles with his barehands, the Crocodile Hunter fell, brought down by a sting ray of all things. Steve Irwin’s wacky antics in the face of extreme mortal danger always made me laugh and simultaneously blew my mind. He was a loony, that much is clear, but he also worked hard to protect and care for the natural environment in a world where far too few people are willing to do so. His show helped show the beauty and power of some of the worlds coolest animals, and in his life off the air, worked hard to find a balance between human activity and the lives of the critters we so often squash to get what we want. He’ll be missed, and I hope I get to meet him when I move on to the Great Outback In the Sky… Until then, I’ll keep him in my memory by adopting the following mantra:  | | |
| Alright, damn it, if this doesn't get that boob impeached, nothing will...
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060511/ap_on_go_pr_wh/nsa_phone_records
Wow...do I feel more secure with the government spying on my phone calls! I am such a proud American! Look at me! Let's go get some apple pie!!!!
Wait...no...that's not security I feel...IT'S THE DESIRE TO BARF ALL OVER MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I should be studying... :) lovecory | | |
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONONONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOONO NO NO NO NO *NO*. That's it. No way. Sorry gang, but we're kicking South Dakota off the fuckin' island before it's apparent Moron infection spreads to the rest of us. Hey...guess what...if you like the idea of abortions...how about DON'T FUCKIN' GET ONE!!!!! Women have enough to worry about in this world without a bunch of (probably constipated...) men telling them what to do with thier bodies...
Sorry South Dakotites, I mean, you've got that whole Oglalla Aquifer thing going for you, and the presidents in the mountain and that big Native American horse dealy, too...but this just can't stand. We're booting you out. See you when Hale Bopp comes back around! | | |
| You will never...no...NEVER stop laughing, and being slightly turned on, by this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfiiH1v9elk&search=natalie%20portman
Other news: I have a little cold thingy that sucks. I have lots of homework this week. I'm hungry. I miss Costa Rica. It is getting warmer and I like it. This weekend I watched Night Watch. I voted for the UISG elections today. I'm getting better at Spanish. I still suck pretty hard at Spanish. I have an MRI tomorrow for my (hopefully) marginally malfunctioning ticker. I like Keller Williams. And Galactic. I'm behind on my research project. I'm still going to finish it and rock it's socks off. I think girls should wear far less make up than they often do. THINK ABOUT THE BUNNIES!!!!!!!!! The end.
luvkoree | | |
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